Of course, this is either incredible or morally unacceptable to some who insist on finding some pathology with it. Even worse, there are plenty of people who insist that virtually all sex workers, including virtually all porn actors, are trafficked and forced to do their work. In fact, people who hold those misguided beliefs, or want others to think they are true, have posted comments many time in this section of the PT blog. There are long-term relationships between a courtesan and a client where a friendship and even emotional attachment has developed, but in which money for sex is still exchanged as a matter of support, courtesy, respect, and knowledge that the courtesan depends on it for a living.
Strictly speaking, even some marriages are that way when one person doesn't work. But people would say a marriage is not because there are so many other aspects involved at that point. Well, could it then be said that if a client and escort develop a relationship that has nonsexual aspects, then the money he is paying her is no longer for sex?
The same could be asked of a mistress who stays in an apartment paid by a mean. Lots of people always think this is clear-cut. The graph of reasons why someone chooses sex work all have one thing in common.
No girl or teenage girl dreams of being a sex worker when they grow-up to be an adult. Would you tell your boss you hate your job?
What percent of the general population is completely satisfied with their work? I would say a large percent dislike or hate their work. I was told face-to-face by an escort that she hated her clients. Even though the environment was on the better end of the spectrum. She still hated it. Her behaviour after knowing her for a year was definitely influenced by mental illness. It would not a psychologist to see that her behaviour was completely erratic. Sex workers are the women that society left behind.
They are created from a huge gap in gender equality and in demand from the same men that helped create that inequality. Look around, why are the majority of business leaders, political leaders, engineers, scientists, doctors, lawyers, financial workers mostly men? That skew creates a power imbalance and a financial imbalance that fuels the creation of sex work.
Countries with greater gender inequality have greater numbers of sex workers. As well as countries with greater economic desperation. If we lived in a utopia where every human being had all their needs met there would no longer be a need, supply or demand, for sex work.
Theres some truth in what you said but frankly I'm a sex worker and I very much enjoy my job. I wanted to do what I do. I work a 40hr week job and a part time, I make more than enough money and I still do sex work on the side. Because it can be fun. I genuinely enjoy it. Im glad I made the choice to do it. People like you view sex as bad, like we shouldn't want it or want to do it. There's not always a lover around to play with you though. In a real utopia aex work would be more appreciated.
There would be less viewing of sex as shameful and dirty and more of just realizing its normal to want sex and to want to give it. I genuinely enjoy pleasing others, orgasming, and getting paid in the proccess.
So I totally believe these women who say they love their jobs that they really do. I don't need to do sex work at all, yet when I get a moment and someone offers I'm totally up for it. I believe your feedback is positive Someone I know is feeling down and isolated She needs Not to be encouraged to go back to this job but to have a chat with someone who is calm and realistic about this job and how to accept herself She was high end escort and feels it was not the right choice for her in retrospect But is confused.
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World Cup Strategy and the Psychology of Success. Are You a Beautiful Questioner? Although a few comments may have ruffled my […]. I guess you are one of the polyamorous people. It turns out surprise! My question is how emotionally and sexually satisfying they are. I read a bit on Robins blog. Somewhere she stated she was an English professor. I also began to wonder if she is real! Some of these stories read like made up stories and fantasies. She states that she does not host?
Well, I read on her blog about her encounter with a professional major league baseball player. She clearly describes how he arrived at her apartment at 2: So, she does host! Hi Jules Like you I felt this is not real.
But I think her blog are mode up of articles written by others and she is open about that, she is the editor only. Many of the articles there are not written by a person with good language skills, or sexual experience. Several places a read sex scenes when the woman describes that the man first had anal sex with her and then penetrated her vagina. I am no into anal sex, but have learned that this is no no, due to hygien.
I agree with you Iben. I ask this in all seriousness. I realize people have different sex drives and fetishes.
But, why does it have to be with partners? I would much prefer it to be with someone whom I care about. I do not believe in treating human beings in a casual manner. For me it is about dignity. When you do, I want you to consider the spirit in which it was written. I took your advice and re-read your piece. While I did get a little bit more out of it, its substance remains the same: However, it is still about casual sex i. Yes, people can and in fact do have casual flings in the manner you have written.
How can we discuss such things with your imposed judgement? First, I want to explain to you that the articles on her blog, except for a few guest posts, are written by Ms. I know this because I have had the opportunity to interact with her over a long period of time, both publicly on blogs, twitter, etc. I want to discuss what is a sex friendly society. Are there any sex friendly societies on this earth today?
What models for society can we imagine and work towards. It is best to set boundaries for one self and not for others, we can agree on that G. Do you really think that increased orgasms for your fellow women is really going to lead to the degradation of society?
Why must there be multitudes of different partners over a short period of time, if increased orgasms is REALLY the objective? The choice is hers. I agree with you. But it is possible we persons are very different sexually, and some need a stranger to feel intense feelings. And old friend of my used to say when he got drunk: Do I condemn perfectly normal sexual behavior because I see red flags when men want causal sex only?
I asked a specialist if it is atypical sexual behavior if a woman prefers causal sex only. Here is his answer:. Cantor is a psychologist and sexual behavior scientist. Associate professor of Psychiatry…. Hi Robin In the western societies we have many different types of relationships between men and women that includes sex. And you end with saying: Iben These are very reasonable points that you are making.
If there was security and passion with the life-long partner, would there really be a need for these other alternative? The reason is because the marriage was sexless and passionless. Had there been sex and passion I would still be married.
Are you suggesting people some want to have there cake an eat it to? I guess these are all the alternatives you speak. Reading this articulate, well written post on on what is best described as a difficult subject, and was completely taken aback by the vitriol filled comments, more specifically how personal they were.
Robin, Just what purpose is served from having sex with tons of different men? Are you just a highly sexual woman who is in constant need of variety and novelty? So many women seem to think it is some kind of rite of passage to have lots of casual sex with lots of different men.
Not to judge you, but the whole thing seems down right nasty and decadent. Your serious lack of self esteem is apparent in your writing. Please refrain from your harmful advice and stop writing. You need to re-examine your life and values before you dole out advice to anyone. I hope you get the support you need to be healthy in the future. Why do so many people like you have disdain for people who do not adhere to the utilitarian view of life?
I live by the Law. In my personal case, it is the Law of Moses and the Prophets. If you wish to be amoral, so be it. But, I as a citizen of this damn Republic, am free to say what I damn well wish and believe.
Same for you too buddy! It is hard to understand how you feel it is safe to bring a steady steam of new strangers into your home. Craigslist is not seen as safe.
Not everyone on Craigslist is a serial rapist, for crying out loud, so stop making it into this cesspool of humanity. Your frank judgment of her actions is more telling of the person you are and not the person she is.
All of the dating sites have rapists, murderers and just psycho people that have something that gets them off…so we all must beware! I see it is a dangerous way to live.
And I would expect some of the men to use me,not show me respect. That is how I feel,and that is my personal opinion. That strategy does not work with me Cara. She may feel safe because despite the scare mongering the vast majority of men are not rapists waiting to strike.
He takes ,uses her and leave. And I have no problems in admitting that I am against prostitution for several reason. What a man,child or woman must do for living under deep poverty is one think,I do not condemn persons that have to sell their body to survive.
But I am against it as a legal job in a Western country when we still have other alternatives to earn money. She means he has sex with her without respect and without giving.
Now in situations where one is looking to do that to the other but without being upfront about it that is certainly a problem. This issue is complicated. I am not read up on research and seldom read news about discussion about for and against making prostituion legal. Of course I am against exploited labour. That question is an insult. Write an article then let many give us more facts about prostition.
Yes a lot of them are. But are you ready to just assume they all are? Maybe you sell sex, or dream of selling sex. I share the same view s you have on prostitution. But, this is our history as men. We have always sought to do one another in via wars etc. To the victor go the spoils including the women. When I wrote that many prostitutes are victims of childhood sexual abuse , or have problems like addiction drugs I used the word many. Overall you are saying that you are against legalizing prostitution.
That affects all prostitutes, not just the ones that are victims of childhood abuse and addiction. You see the difference right? I live in a democracy and use my vote and my voice. States that choose to have laws that say it is illegal to buy sex have lots of reasons for doing so, the welfare of the men and women in prostitution is only one of the reasons.
After telling me to marry a prostitute to show my respect for them? I never said there were no other valid reasons.
Our exchange just happened to focus on wellbeing. You see prostitutes as persons that use others for money. Danny It is true. Issues like this one triggers strong emotions in me. And it has nothing to do with men women relationship, , but rather how we see sexuality in our societies. And that makes me sad and upset. The way some are used sexually by others , like in trafficking makes me cry. And if some filthy rich persons pays a fortune to sleep with beautiful women, and feel they are used by them.
Well , I do not feel sorry for the costumer. Kim, are you kidding me??? Also, you must be really sheltered or just plain naive if you believe that OK Cupid or Match. I am a criminal defense lawyer and I have represented numerous rapists, physical attackers, aggravated robbers and even have defended murderers who found their victims on a dating site. This is exactly what she is doing, in some cases. Btw, I think one of her best blogs was about why so many married men are looking for sex.
Ladies, you ALL need to read her blog. Hi Jules I followed your advise and took a look at Robins blog, but could not find the article you refer to. Here is what I found: Melissa Yes it true. I have never used dating sites. It means you have to ask for his ID. I have no idea how to run a extensive background check of a person. All I know is how to look up how much tax they pay and the property they own as described in tax records.
I had this relationship exactly once. It was with a bi woman who formed her emotional relationships with women.
I was on the mend from a relationship, else my emotions might have figured heavily. At the end, I think she was becoming a little emotional. And that is also why it can be a dangerous game to play. Been there , done that.
I want others to comment on my theory as to one of the reasons why female demand for casual sex is so low. I find your theory cynical, to say the least. If women merely want attention, going to a bar is a far more efficient method of getting it than looking for casual sex online. In addition to the emotional work mentioned in the article, the effort required to put up an ad, read through the deluge of responses many of which will be far from flattering , establish a connection and a modicum of trust with a stranger, and arrange a mutually convenient time and place to meet can feel more like work than an ego boost.
VERY few women relative to men are looking for casual sex explicitly, period. I was trying to explain THAT. However, if you want to know why some women are reluctant to look for casual sex online, take a look at this thread.